Thursday, 26 January 2012

Did ja miss me?


I didn't make this goddamn blog to make 'friends' and do you want to know why? Because in the end you lose them, the 'friends' you make you see it’s the water in the glass thing:

Someone will look at the half filled glass and say its half empty.
Someone else will look at the glass and say its half full.

But neither of them are incorrect for the glass is both half full and half empty. Fuck like my dreams.
I moved in with my mother a while ago, her new boyfriend is always staring at me; several times he’s grabbed me and dragged me around like a play thing. What A Fucking Dick. Once he pinned me up against the wall at 2 am, his breath was coated in the smell of whisky as he whispered what a beautiful girl I was.

I've noticed something’s have been going on, one of which is my dreams are becoming a little more messed up, I think it has to do with that day…the one I am trying to piece together.

Last night I had a dream it went like this:
I was in a forest, the tall trees loomed over me like tall men coated in the black substance that is left behind on burnt wood, and they reached the pale cloud coated sky. I was dressed inappropriately for the occasion, my white tank top and a pair of pale blue plaid pyjamas, my feet bare as they revealed my painted black toes. Still I didn’t feel the cold, despite my bareness and the ever falling still and quiet snow that formed mounds and blankets and sheets over the ground. And without reason i was compelled to walk deeper and deeper into the woods, slowly. I was not at ease, something was causing a shiver to run up my spine and it was not the cold.

Ahead of me there were two girls, both looked the same age, both dressed identical with minor differences. One little girl had long black hair and a snow white dress that blended in with the surroundings, a small red ribbon was tied around the collar of her dress and she had a yellowish tint to her eyes, her pale skin suggested she had not seen the light very often but still she smiled, not a happy smile, but a smile that told me she was unsure of what she held inside herself. Blood was coating her palms.

The other little girl stood on the other side she, as well, had long black hair, it was more messy then the other girls, she held out her hand towards me, almost becoming me to come forward, she wore a black dress the blended in to nothing but the black trees the loomed over us all, almost watching us as if they were playing a game, she had a red ribbon too, only hers was tied around her wrist hanging down were the strings. She was also very pale, more so than the other girl, and her eyes were a ice blue the kind that made you freeze in place. Blood was smeared onto her face mainly around her lips and the corners of her mouth

This girl never smiled.
They both opened there mouths but their voices combined and it caused me so much fear i had to awaken.
What they said i cannot remember, but all I know is I woke up crying.

A path to good and evil my mother said, one girl represented good well the other evil.
Chad, my mother’s boyfriend, was looking at me again; I cringed at his glance it was not that of a friendly nature.

Yet still I tried to look beyond him.
But still I wondered to what.

I guess I look at the glass at half empty, but that’s not it?