Tuesday, 24 July 2012

What can I say that would even begin to make it seem like my disappearance was possibly ok?

Nothing I guess, it might have been the fact that I lost Lullaby, that I was there when she died and that I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Maybe it was where I had been submersed into a strange world full of people I didn’t know but people I had this unexplained link to it seemed. My personal favorite is this one: I’m crazy, I’m dreaming and none of this is really happening…

But I know it is, I know that crazy tall slender bastard is out there in those fucking wood; always watching, that he’s standing there waiting for the perfect move.

I know I was in that room with Shady, watching her as the words of Lullaby kept ringing in my head. I wanted to stay in that room, the room where it was safe with the breath and voices of us two; it was a haven in itself. Shady had been nothing but helpful and amazing, despite everything.

I know Shady came home that night, she was ignoring everyone, I was included and it frustrated me that I couldn’t completely figure out why. It bugs me sometimes that things never go as planned and that I can almost never figure out the simplest answers without help or time.

I also know that morning when Shady snapped, I know that was real. No matter what I said in protest it didn’t seem to matter, needless to say I was displeased about it all.
And the fucking emotions, these fucking feeling! Well, they are sure as fuck real. Hurt, sadness, pain they exist in me; in a way I’m lonely, so used to falling asleep and waking up with someone there. It’s like once you put so much time and effort into a relationship you can’t just forget it, why can’t I just forget it?!

Breathe; you are making a big deal out of nothing Con. What bullshit am I trying to convince myself with? This IS a big deal! Lullaby fucking died, Shady’s fucking gone and I can’t seem to control the basics of my own emotions that are overwhelming me. I’m angry! I don’t know when to expect that Agony bitch to return, I don’t know WHEN that creature of death will come back to us, and I don’t know how to even think clear without my head pounding and my chest sinking in.

I haven’t slept in what seems like months, I can’t even begin to think about touching food, and every part of me is almost wanting to return back to normal… even if I could go back, what would be the point? A house where nothing can get settled? Even if these people are breaking or hurt or even, dare I say it, insane there still a better makeshift family than mine.

GAH! I’m driving myself mad just thinking about what has happened and what I’m supposed to be doing. It must be obvious now in the mirror or the eyes of the people that look at me that I need sleep. These lines under my eyes are darker than black.
I’m trying though, that’s a good thing right? To keep it all in line, I’m keeping it all in line.

Thursday, 26 April 2012

No story book ending

And before we know it, it’s over again.

Lullaby’s fingers interlocked with mine as we ran through the woods blindly. I watched her with confusion, it was just after we had got a room in a hotel and we were already running. I couldn’t understand why she had dropped the shirt from after my shower, and the way Lullaby scrambled to gather her phone as we ran. Why she was rushing to get far away from the town but it didn’t seem like I had the time to ask either way. The way we dodged the tress, the way the ground crumpled beneath our feet, everything felt right.

Still I had to ask, “Lullaby, what’s wrong?” my own voice was shaking and it probably was broken as well, but through my pants I couldn’t tell anymore. These woods seemed familiar, not as if I had been here; it just felt as if I had been.

Lullaby turned back, bent over so that her arms rested on her knees, her tiny figure heaving heavily, gasping for air. “It’s Shady, I just checked her blog, and she’s coming.”

I felt my heart skip; the simple idea of Lullaby being taken from me before our adventure was completed scared me. How is it when something bad is about to happen we remember every detail that never seemed so important at the time.

“I won’t let her… no, we started something we have to finish it”

Lullaby smirked. “It’s not that easy, we need rest and we cannot fool ourselves any longer by thinking otherwise.” I knew she was right; the lack of food and sleep was not mixing well with their bodies.

Lullaby pointed out a small clearing to the left; she was able to weakly lift her hands. Without spoken words I lifted her up slowly, her hands found their way around my neck softly and held on as we found our way through the thick branches.

She dropped to the ground; hardly able to hold herself up anymore she kneeled there looking at the forest floor.

“We need water, and it’s obvious you don’t have the energy to find it Lullaby.” I said, exhausted myself but I always found the strength to keep moving.

I walked past her slowly, my hand rested on her head for a moment before I spoke again. “I’ll be right back.” I watched her as she lifted her tiny fingers to grip onto me, as she did so she fell onto her back unable to move anymore.

“Don’t leave me…” she said weakly and I felt horrible for walking off anyways.

In all truth I had no idea where to find water; my feet took me into places where I had never seen before. Here without Lullaby it seemed darker, colder, like everything was ready to grab you and rip you apart. I broke branches on my way in, to find my way out if Lullaby called for me.

The air seemed so much colder in one area; it caused curiosity to spike in me.

“Hello?” I asked softly bending a tree over to revile two piercing eyes that glared at me.

“Hello, Con.” the child jumped out at me, her tiny hands reaching for my neck. I stumbled to the side avoiding her, Agony.

“Fuck… it’s you!” I growled, my energy was already drained from out last encounter. Lullaby had been fast asleep when Agony appeared next to her, dangling a knife over her head giggling like a madwoman. I reached over to grab the knife by the blade and when I did Agony grabbed my wrist, somehow burning it badly before leaving.

“Oh good you haven’t forgotten me. I missed you.” Agony said in her mocking tone, her eyes glared at me, they held so much hate it scared me.

“I’m sure you did.” I muttered, rubbing my arm, her eyes followed the up and down pattern.

We circled each other for what seemed like forever before she opened her tiny mouth.

“Want to play a game of tag?” she said sickly twisted, it must have been the way she said it with the cat like grin and squinted eyes because I cringed.

“What are the rules?” I had learned to almost not question the games anymore, just follow along and try to win.

“Whoever reaches Lullaby first gets to choose her fate.”

I exhaled sharply as my eyes widened. “Leave Lullaby out of this!”


“Agony you little bitch!”


I let my feet hit off the ground quickly, even before ‘go’, even before she started. My only goal was to reach Lullaby, to reach her and keep her safe.

The trees loomed above me, mocking me, watching me, the never-ending path that just seemed to run on and on and on.

“CON!” I heard lullaby’s voice echo throughout the trees, it caused me to run faster, my feet hitting the ground harder, even my breath became more broken but I refused to stop. Not now, not ever, not until I knew things were going to be ok.

My body couldn’t keep up, everything looked the same, even thought I could hear it, the voices. I looked around; I broke branches to find my way out right? Where the fuck were they? Those branches didn’t seem to exist.

“Shit…” I muttered.

I tumbled through the trees and examined the situation in front of us, Agony was fast, but even now I refused to let her have Lullaby.

A girl with pale skin and brown and violet hair stood, she was holding Lullaby, she wore a tee-shirt and pair of jeans, her eyes were a vibrant green. I assumed this was Shady just by the way she held Lullaby.

My confusion got the best of me as I curled my hand into a fist and swung it at Shady; she managed to avoid it swiftly. In the corner of my eye I saw Lullaby looking up with amazement, I have yet to figure out why.

Shady looked at me, narrowing her eyes, examining what seemed to be my condition. Her eyes glanced at Agony and she sighed before speaking, “Great. This is what I was hoping to avoid.”

I looked back at her, softer, it was true the whole situation seemed unreal, yet here we were.

“Con.” Shady said sternly, before pushing Lullaby into me, I laced my fingers around the child’s body. “Take her and go. Protect each other and don’t stop running. Please just protect her… and get the fuck out of here!” her eyes lingered on Lullaby’s person for the longest time; it was a sad and regretful look.

I picked her up softly, holding her tight to me. “Will do…” I said, my voice ever so much softer than before, I placed my own hand on Shady’s before running, maybe as an encouragement.

Lullaby had passed out in my arms, I looked at her sleeping face, it was so relaxed and soft, like a doll itself.

Even if it killed me, I promised myself when we first met I would protect Lullaby. Even if I’m running like this, can I still?

I heard gunshots and looked back for a moment. The forest seemed dead, this shouldn’t be happening, this shouldn’t have happened. But the reality is it did, and we can’t just turn back because we didn’t want something to turn out the way it did, no the world does not work like that.

I had been running for what seemed like forever on energy I knew I didn’t have, the open field we reached was a comfort. I stopped to regain my breath, perfect timing as Lullaby’s eyes slowly opened.

“Hello dear, are you ok?” I asked and she nodded softly, her lips curled into a half smile.

I attempted to smile as well, moments before I was hit over the head with a broken branch. The force sent me tumbling to the ground and I was unable to stop Slender Man from tossing Lullaby away from my person.

“Shit!” I cursed holding my head; I jumped to my feet in time to see Agony in front of me with that smirk plastered to her face.

“Con, remember our game? I won.”

“You can fuck off!” I growled, jumping in for an attack bare handed. I slipped my fingers around the fabric of the red dress that she wore and threw her against a tree. Even as she hit the trunk she giggled, I knew I could only hold her off from Lullaby; I wouldn’t do any real damage, not like this.

I looked over towards the moving trees; Shady was running, towards us, no, to Lullaby and past us. I forced myself on Agony, my knee crushing her air way.

Agony forced her nails into my leg, I pulled back in pain as she got to her feet and jumped at me again and again, not even giving me time to counter attack, and this couldn’t end well. I knew one thing alone, I had to get Lullaby and we all had to get out of here.

But how could we, as of now we were cornered and unable to fight back or attack. Just defending ourselves and running wouldn’t help right now. Even if one of us did attack we were too weak and tried to do much good, despite the adrenalin we were all still… useless.

I felt the branch slam into my back, I crashed onto the ground.

‘Jesus H Christ’ I growled, struggling to stand back up I felt Agony press her foot onto my neck. I gripped onto her ankle flipping her over onto her back.

I looked over, my messy blond hair fell over my blue eyes, and Lullaby panicking as Shady was lifted into the air by her neck.

I myself lost all hold on reality; this felt like the set of a horror movie, this couldn’t be real.

My  entire body froze at the next sight, how the limb of Slender Man tore through the fabric of her dress so easily. How Lullaby was struggling to talk, how could she be so foolish? I realized quickly she only wanted to protect Shady.

I choked on my words, everything felt unreal, even time seemed to stop. The cold woods behind me, the sky above me seemed darker; the forest floor seemed harder as Slender Man tossed her off his limb and she rolled along the floor like a doll.

“LULLABY!” I screamed, running so quickly I tripped over myself and fell onto my chest inches in front of her, close enough to hear her crying out.

“D-daddy…Daddy, I-I’m sorry…I need you, Daddy it hurts, Daddy take it away, please bring me home, I miss you…please help me…I l-love you!”

I crawled up to her my fingers curled around her small figure as I brought her close.

“C-con is…a-are you here?” she asked weakly reaching for something, anything to grab hold of.

I placed my hand on hers, she was cold. “It’s ok, I’m here. It’s going to be alright, ok?”

How could I have lied to myself, her blood stained dress and gushing wound proved me to be a liar.

She weakly clutched onto my fingers, trying to steady her breathing, forcing herself to talk.

“I-I know what’s going t-to happen, I-I’m not s…scared.” She whispered, her tear glazed eyes scanned the sky; I could tell she couldn’t see anything despite her rapid eye movements. Also Lullaby was terrified to leave this world, she refused to show it but she was so scared.

“C-can you do some-thing for me…” she was stuttering, trying not to cry harder than me.

I nodded rapidly, sending the tears from my eyes onto Lullaby’s face.

“A-anything dear… anything…”

She smiled weakly as she parted her lips to speak, her voice so soft, I was losing her. “S-shady, take care of shady… she’s one of the only fa-mily I have left…” Lullaby stuttered, her hands were losing their grip.

“I want to…can I be cr-emated? Ashes onto m-my mother’s grave… back with her.” The tears fell freely now, her hands so cold, her breathing so slow. I was losing her truly, but not just yet.

“C-con…” Lullaby breathed in deeply, gripping tightly onto my hand as she clenched in pain.

“Take me to heaven.” she said quickly, in one exhaled breath.

I looked at Lullaby, my eyes widened and before I could even say anything Lullaby pressed her finger to her own lip and made a ‘shh’ motion.

“Angels can do an-anything Con… When it’s time you'll... you'll take me there and we can wa-watch over Shady together, we..we'll watch over the w-world...together, forever.."

I could feel Lullaby’s finger fall from her lip as her head dropped slowly.

"We'll be in heaven to..gether Con, forever..."

A final breath before there was nothing.

“L-lullaby?” I stuttered, softly shaking her body I looked at her. “No Lullaby, don’t die on us, stay, stay for a little longer, Lullaby…LULLABY!”

I screamed out her name over and over, fingers clutching her body, she was gone, what could I do? My tears fell freely down my face and onto her face.

What seemed like hours passed, even if it was only seconds or minutes and I finally looked up to where Shady was. She had managed to walk towards us looking beaten.

I got up slowly, holding Lullaby close now as I looked at Shady, my breath shaky. “I…” I muttered unsure of what to say. “Fuck… we couldn’t save her, I couldn’t protect her… I’m sorry”.

Shady looked at me before down at Lullaby, she bit her lip hard. Standing in front of me she placed a hand on my shoulder, "You tried, hon. We both did. This is not your fault, you did everything you could."

She paused and looked down at Lullaby. Slipping her arms under the girl she took her into her arms and cradled her close. In doing this she took the weight off of my own person, she knew very well right now seeing the corpse would not help, let alone carrying it.

"Come on, I have a nice blanket in the car ." She said, holding Lullaby in one arm as the other extended, taking my hand. Already she was taking me in. "Just let it out as we walk, there is no shame in crying." Shady said as she began leading us back towards where the car was parked.

The only thing was I couldn’t cry. I was out of tears, there was nothing right now. Nothing but Shady’s breathing because right now I could not even hear my own.

I couldn’t remember the car ride home; I was passed out most of it. I remember offering to drive a few times, all of which were passed off.

We arrived at the Haven; it looked as Lullaby once described it, that’s how I knew it was the haven. I met Lullaby’s father, I couldn’t find the right words to say at the time, all I could do was tell who I was.

I have decided to stay, on behalf of Lullaby.

Friday, 23 March 2012

Then she says, "That's all you need to know for now."

That’s all I need to know for now?! Is she crazy?

"Lullaby, tell me what the hell happened back there!" her eyes glanced back but she looked unaffected by the harsh tone that coated my every word.
By 'back there' I mean about two miles back, where we ran into a tall, suited, and faceless man, someone she called...

"The Slender Man, yeah you saw him right. No, you’re not high. He's real, he’s dangerous, and yeah if you fuck around too much he will kill you..."
I stopped dead on my trail, what mess have I gotten myself into?

We had been walking for a while with spotty internet, that’s why we haven’t updated. But as we were walking I noticed something ahead in the trees, at first I thought it might be an abnormal species of tree, and then I noted Lullaby.

Like a dog she got defensive, her shoulders hunched and she made a small growling noise.
What happened next came out of a pure horror novel, the 'tree' moved towards us, long delicate strides that rushed to our very location until it was close enough to be distinguished as a creature.

"Shit, Con. Run... now!" Lullaby grabbed onto my hands as we ran, zigzagging through the uneven terrain. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be.

I looked back, 'IT' 'tree'... Slender Man pursued following us still. Was running the only option? I mean...
"All creatures have weaknesses… right? In humans it tends to be emotions, so even this thing, as undefeatable as it seems, it must have a weakness, correct?" I asked, despite lack of breath.

"I wish." Lullaby snarled. "But by all means, fight it if you want, I’m not carrying your lifeless body anywh-"

She stopped; ahead of us was a girl... Lullaby's age? Lullaby's height... hell like a mirror it reflected her almost perfectly, who was she?
"Hey! Copycat! Who the fuck are you!?" Lullaby yelled out. I tugged at her hand, trying to remind her of our incoming doom.

"Hold on Con, I wanna figure out this imposter."

The child giggled madly, turned on her heel and then ran and ran at what seemed like an impossible speed.

"Shit... like fuck you run from me bitch"

And that was how we encountered Agony, or that’s what the child called herself, which reminds me of the last time I visited my father... the girl cried out 'Agony!’. Agony had stopped, everything seemed dead still.

Then she spoke clearly.
"Dear Lullaby... or at least that’s what I've heard you called by, I am Agony." Her small fingers pressed against the fabric of her dress and she waved her hands in an artistic motion.

"Agony, the child of the devil." she continued dancing around the darkness of the empty land, waving her hands innocently as she spun on her toes.
"Agony, eh?" Lullaby smirked brilliantly, cracking her knuckles she ran towards her. Agony waggled her finger, making the disapproving noise as she sidestepped a distance. This caused Lullaby to fall on her chest and she inhaled sharply, gasping from the impact of what seemed to be a rock.
"And Con, dear Con, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen you last. I'm sure we will get to know each other again quite well... you haven’t forgotten have you?"

I looked at her as she circled around me; I turned my head according to her very small steps, watching parts of her body, important parts. Her feet for possible irregular movements, her hands for the chance of a weapon being drawn, and her face for a possible cocky smile. I found nothing in her eyes, not even a hint of emotion, not a light, even less than that of which Lullaby’s eyes showed.
"Let's meet again." she said and with that she backed away into the darkened distance.

Lullaby got up slowly and pressed her sleeve against her mouth pulling it to the side, she started yelling.

"I'm chasing after that bitch! Going to fucking rip her apart!" it was at this point that before Lullaby could get past me I held her by her shoulder; she looked up at me confused as hell.

"Don’t worry Lullaby, we'll see her again. You said you wanted an adventure, well we’re about to get one."

And that’s where we are now, in a coffee shop, washing up and waiting for the next bus. Worst part is I have no idea where we are currently located.

Friday, 24 February 2012

She seems smaller than I imagined and very delicate

Like almost in my dreams, only different.

I was wandering the streets, the sun set long ago, a fight ended moments ago that resulted with me slamming the door and shattering the glass that lined it. Yeah it was another one of those nights.

My mother and I had them when I was younger, when I used to be shipped in between her and my father. I'm serious, I would walk in at 3 AM, and we would start screaming and fighting. It got to a point where I would need to walk away before I hurt her.

Well this time it was her boyfriend, her partner in crime, ganging up on me. I told her about the few run in's I had had with the slimy old bastard, she refused to believe me.

"Fuck you both... honestly him over your flesh and blood?! Are you fucking with me or what!?"

"Con, calm down" he placed his hand on my shoulder and I had fucking had it.

On multiple occasions this man had wandered around giving me looks, saying things of a sexual nature
towards me and he has touched me several occasions and not in a loving 'step-father' kind of way either.

I fucking warned him if he EVER touched me again I would kill him and I meant it fully.

I grabbed his arm and twisted it smoothly around his back, to hear him cry out was all I needed and I would let him go. I glared at him; the way his arm twisted I realized I could have easily broken it with the right move, but I'm not that cruel.

He breathed in sharply, struggling under me; I glared at him my mother crying in the background, it seemed like too much drama.

"CON, LET HIM GO!" she shrieked, tears in her eyes. "What the fuck is wrong with you!"

"Go ahead tell her everything..." Was I the only calm one? My heart refused to beat fast, no tears, not even the hint of anger. I was determined.

"I-I You fucking bitch I have nothing to say!"

"Cunt." I growled, throwing him to the ground, he made one full roll before hitting into the table; I turned on my heel and started for the door.

"Fuck this!" That moment of calmness had faded and now only anger resided inside me as I walked out. I hope they both rot in hell.

The streets were cold as always, seemingly empty, and felt as if they shouldn’t be here, as if maybe... I shouldn’t be here.

It being dark I was naturally careful on where I tread, making sure my feet carefully hit the ground.

There was a passing vehicle every moment it seemed, nothing would stay still for too long, not even this world stays the same for a moment.

Then I met her.

It shouldn’t have happened and that’s the truth, I really should not have met her, and besides that it was an accident we met. I heard a distant barking dog, the cold wind picked up along with a few clatters and bangs in a nearby ally.

Curiosity struck me, next to that it was almost as if the wind was urging me to go down that dark path and despite the fact that I had no fucking idea what laid ahead I wanted to know.

It’s that kind of thing that will get you caught in a world of trouble.

What I saw next was something that will stay with me, a young girl hovering over a lump of shadow, her tiny fingers curled as she seemed to notice me.

She turned; it wasn't a natural turn either in a way it seemed as if she was forcing herself to turn. The ally provided a hollow space to echo sound, like her breathing, which was heavy and broken.

My eyes adjusted slowly and soon I could make out the figures, one of which was in fact a young girl, roughly 7. She was standing over what seemed to be a grown man who was splayed out dead.

"Who are you?" She demanded, staggering towards me slowly.

I backed up, asking "What have you done?" with slight fear, I was scared for my own life.

She breathed in sharply. "Again, who are you?" this time she seemed more rushed, almost worried, but it was
hard to tell. No emotion was even carried in her voice, even when she demanded to know who I was there didn't seem to be anger or rudeness, just nothing.

"Con..." I said reluctantly, breathing in my own sharp inhale of air. I moved my weight from one foot to the other, slightly nervous by the scene.

In that moment almost nothing mattered, because the second she stepped into the light that shone from a nearby house I knew who she was before I knew her name.

The thick, long, raven black hair that was fitted perfectly along her face and back stood out brilliantly against the perfect white of her dress. Her fingers laced in red blood along with the upper part of her left arm, the crimson red stood out well against her pale skin as she too another step I saw the glow in her golden eyes.

She must have seen the mixed emotions in mine, hell I didn't know what I should be feeling: fear that the girl in my dreams was real and that she had blood on her hands. Shock that this small girl had murdered a man.

Or anger that she had existed.

I stepped back.

"What are you? Scared of a little girl?" she asked curiously as she cocked her head in a questioning manner, as if examining me at a distance.

"No... Not in the slightest. What I'm backing away from is the scene of a murder."

"Hardly." she spoke, turning she looked at the body and snapped her fingers; they made a sloppy snapping noise as the blood soaked fingertips were pressed against each other.

In the distance the body twitched, wriggling and pulsing inhuman like. Then it fucking rose, the body fucking stood up and walked towards us, slow and zombie like. I watched it as it entered the light… this wasn’t real.
A man, early 30's, stood beside the girl. His throat slit open neatly as it still squirted blood onto the ground in front of me.

"Not dead but at the rate he's losing blood he soon will be." She sighed; sounding annoyed she muttered a

few things under her breath. "Right..." she snapped her fingers again, the body fell to the ground and she looked at me, still scanning me.

"…You don't look like much of a threat...plus you look like fun, want to go on an adventure with me? By the way, no isn’t an option."

"Then why bother asking?" I asked her curiously.

"Just to see the answer." that actually made a lot of sense.

"What a strange question to ask a stranger... will you go on an adventure with me?"

She looked at me, her dead eyes just staring, she didn’t seem to understand, then again she was a kid, and it grew very quiet between us.

"Well?" she asked, breaking the almost heart stopping silence.


"No isn't an option."

"Really well I said no. Sticking to it." I said, trying to regain composure.

She stared at me, "No is not a fucking option..."

I wasn’t going to let her boss me around. "Go home, kid." I said firmly.

"I want an adventure."

 It hit me in that moment, she wasn't fucking around, and she really did want to go.

"If I tell you my name am I still a 'stranger'?" she asked, I considered it for a moment, thinking.

"No not reall-"



"My name, its Lullaby."

I looked at her, her monotone voice, expressionless face; everything was so out of place. She shouldn’t be here.

"C'mon." She walked up closer and grabbed my hand, the motive confused me.

"C'mon?" I asked.

"We’re not strangers, you know my name and I, in turn, know yours, therefore you can go on an adventure with me."

I sighed; I couldn’t quite understand the events of tonight. It had started with an argument about me being harassed, continued with meeting a girl that was in my dreams, and ended with an adventure.
Maybe it was better like, that not knowing anything.

Then again, what did I have to lose? Honestly maybe an adventure would be good... I could get out of this town, get out of the state, hell maybe find out what happened that night.

"How would you feel about going to Canada?" I asked.

She looked up with a wicked grin, the kind that still shows no emotion. "Canada. Sounds. Great."

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Did ja miss me?


I didn't make this goddamn blog to make 'friends' and do you want to know why? Because in the end you lose them, the 'friends' you make you see it’s the water in the glass thing:

Someone will look at the half filled glass and say its half empty.
Someone else will look at the glass and say its half full.

But neither of them are incorrect for the glass is both half full and half empty. Fuck like my dreams.
I moved in with my mother a while ago, her new boyfriend is always staring at me; several times he’s grabbed me and dragged me around like a play thing. What A Fucking Dick. Once he pinned me up against the wall at 2 am, his breath was coated in the smell of whisky as he whispered what a beautiful girl I was.

I've noticed something’s have been going on, one of which is my dreams are becoming a little more messed up, I think it has to do with that day…the one I am trying to piece together.

Last night I had a dream it went like this:
I was in a forest, the tall trees loomed over me like tall men coated in the black substance that is left behind on burnt wood, and they reached the pale cloud coated sky. I was dressed inappropriately for the occasion, my white tank top and a pair of pale blue plaid pyjamas, my feet bare as they revealed my painted black toes. Still I didn’t feel the cold, despite my bareness and the ever falling still and quiet snow that formed mounds and blankets and sheets over the ground. And without reason i was compelled to walk deeper and deeper into the woods, slowly. I was not at ease, something was causing a shiver to run up my spine and it was not the cold.

Ahead of me there were two girls, both looked the same age, both dressed identical with minor differences. One little girl had long black hair and a snow white dress that blended in with the surroundings, a small red ribbon was tied around the collar of her dress and she had a yellowish tint to her eyes, her pale skin suggested she had not seen the light very often but still she smiled, not a happy smile, but a smile that told me she was unsure of what she held inside herself. Blood was coating her palms.

The other little girl stood on the other side she, as well, had long black hair, it was more messy then the other girls, she held out her hand towards me, almost becoming me to come forward, she wore a black dress the blended in to nothing but the black trees the loomed over us all, almost watching us as if they were playing a game, she had a red ribbon too, only hers was tied around her wrist hanging down were the strings. She was also very pale, more so than the other girl, and her eyes were a ice blue the kind that made you freeze in place. Blood was smeared onto her face mainly around her lips and the corners of her mouth

This girl never smiled.
They both opened there mouths but their voices combined and it caused me so much fear i had to awaken.
What they said i cannot remember, but all I know is I woke up crying.

A path to good and evil my mother said, one girl represented good well the other evil.
Chad, my mother’s boyfriend, was looking at me again; I cringed at his glance it was not that of a friendly nature.

Yet still I tried to look beyond him.
But still I wondered to what.

I guess I look at the glass at half empty, but that’s not bad...is it?

Thursday, 22 December 2011

Do you touch walls on which "WET PAINT" signs are strung up?

I do, as often as possible, not to get the feeling of paint pressed deeply onto my palms but to see if it’s the truth, you know to conform that it is wet.
I met a kid, or a guy who looked like a kid, the other day, he walked into the tattoo parlour I work in. He looked like he hadn’t slept in months, and the dark circles that underlined his eyes proved this point.
Looking at him I got a bit worried, he didn’t look homeless but he didn’t look healthy. “Kid you ok?” I asked, he never answered but handed me about sixty six dollars in cash and held out his arm and said:
“I want a tattoo, this arm on this wrist …” his arms were slightly dirty, as if he had been sleeping in dirt, I buried my brow in frustration.
“Kid how old are you?”
It’s mandatory to ask their age, anyone younger than 18 cannot have a tattoo, I mean I don’t want no more federal cops running along my ass.
The guy held out his ID and I got a good look at it, the birth year clearly pointed out a not-so-obvious fact, he was 19.
I scratched my head and looked at him; he looked 15 possibly 16.
“Yeah sure come this way…” I muttered and walked into my room. I tend not to argue too much, plus it had been a rough day for me:
I woke up late for work…that night was really tough the cops barged into my room and they accused me of having and selling drugs. It didn’t take me long to set them straight, that lasted half the night and but the time I was finally headed to bed the beautiful sun was painting the sky a pink and blue. I rushed which meant no breakfast or coffee and on top of it all I learned that everyone in my building was going to be evicted because apparently it didn’t meet the health standards. Now the only choice I really have is to go to New Jersey to stay with my mother.
Anyways back to the story about the guy. He asked for something simple, but strange, it was a circle with an x through it, it kind of looked like a railroad crossing sign but not quite.
“What’s with the Tat sir?” He grinned and looked at me, It made the aura of the room very…uneasy.
“Have you heard of him?”
“Him?” I asked focusing deeply on my work; the music is usually deadly, ear drum bursting loud but oddly enough today it was almost muted, which makes me wonder if Kendra is taking a nap again.
“Him, the one I’m running from…” I moved the blond hair from my face and looked up.
“Who’s him?”
The man didn’t say anything after that, I asked about twice more the same question ‘who’s him?’ but without a response, it was annoying as hell and within half an hour he was ready to leave.
“Hey are these walls really wet?” he asked.
I flipped the book I was reading and laughed holding my lime green hand up I smiled brightly. “Nawh not at all” The man looked at me oddly.
“If you touch the walls that have ‘wet paint’ on them you must not be very trusting” I looked at him, my smile faded as he left. Could it be true, do I not have enough trust?
Kendra told me to leave early to get my stuff, so I did but the only problem is…I don’t have a lot. I packed my clothes and toothbrush and, somehow, managed to sell my piece of shit TV for $200.
So I guess it’s my turn to give my mother a call, which almost makes me sick to the stomach the fact I have to call her. At the same time I guess it is true it’s a two way street, so I’ll go dial her up and hopefully find a good job in New Jersey, you’re probably wondering: ‘why not find a new place in New york?’
I don’t know, this city and the people in it are really pissing me off.

Don't be surprised if you dont hear from me for awhile....

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

You have been the type of child who charms the lollipops off people.

After work I came home and stole the internet off the lady down the street, it was the only connection seeing as my building was full of people who couldn’t afford it…
Like myself.
I guess it’s strange being in a house full of whores. I seriously mean whores the kind that wander around at night with their slutty red miniskirts and too tightly tied corsets and ankle breaking high heels.
Whores they bring their men home and you can hear them from a mile away I am not kidding, these are the ones with the pimps I feel bad for the dumb bitches.
Next on my list of people I love in my apartment buildings is the crack heads:
Druggies, the guys and girls on meth, cocaine, weed, LSD etc. I’m sure there were people I the building complex that mixed up different drugs to create new ones I heard a rumour one guy created a drug which he called FDP. I only really met one, he broke into my apartment to steal some cash, he was god awful looking and smelling. He had scabs over his face and body his clothes smelled like urine and sweat and he didn’t brush his teeth ever, his skin had turned a yellowish colour and was dry.
As he grabbed hold of my arm I could feel skin flake off and whatever was left of his hair fall onto me, the smell of his breath was vomit inducing and he kept talking in as if I knew what he wanted.
“Got any Con, hey got any? C’mon baby I kow you have it, ill give you something for it..money, sex, anything you want con”
I felt his dry flaky hands reach into my ass pocket and I slapped him across the face, Jesus Christ I slapped him hard because he flew to the ground and whimpered. Without proper food, water or care he was shrived into something that could never be called human. I tried to call the cops, but the phones were always dead around here and I always fucking forget that.
Even as I picked up the white plastic he ran towards me again, it was useful in a sense; I tossed it at the druggy’s face and heard him tumble to the ground crying in pain I felt proud.
So I’ve only felt proud once.
I felt sorry for the poor bastard and wanted to put an end to his life, hell how could you not feel sorry for someone who is curled on your floor covering his scarred and scabbed face crying in pain?
I couldn’t.
I wanted to.
How badly I wanted to.
I just shoved him out and told him to fuck off. That had to be one of the most eventful days of my life.
Who else lives it this shit hole? Drunkards, they usually don’t ‘cause too much trouble one tried to knife the older lady upstairs I could hear her screaming so I ran up, saw Matthew my own next door drunk dirt bag holding a hunting knife over his head. Mrs. Johnson, the older lady, has a lot more in her apartment then I do; china plates, bar stools, toaster ovens, toast. I grabbed the closet object at hand, which sadly happened to be a beautiful hand painted plate and busted it over Matthews head, the white and blue shards of glass went everywhere and Mrs. Johnson was shaking in fear. That skinny runt fell to the floor faster than I had seen in my life, I stepped over his body and helped Mrs. Johnson up. She was small and now crying in fear I know she didn’t want to live here but she couldn’t afford much else and her children wouldn’t pay to give her a nice home. She thanked me kindly and I helped pat her cooking apron clean.
“Sorry about your plate”
“It’s ok, I’m glad the angels are watching over me, I’m so glad god sent you in time”
She patted my face, I could forgive her for calling me an angel her little mind was not working properly anyways the way I seen it back then she was going to die soon anyways.
She did too, three days after I helped her she died in her sleep, I was the one who found her, I had bought her a plate like the one I had broken when I walked in she didn’t answer so I walked into her bedroom and there she was fast asleep with a smile.
I still have that plate somewhere, now that I’m writing this I think I’ll go look for it later.
She left a will, as I said before she did have a lot more than I did, but that’s not saying a lot because I hardly have anything.
In her will she wanted to leave the angel a message: ‘don’t forget me’.
I still have that will too, god damn for someone who don’t have a lot I sure keep some stuff it’s been years now like I told you I’m 24 all this happened when I was  19.
The only other person in this complex is a young woman she’s 22 and has two children, Emily who is 2 and Jacob who is 4.
I babysit all the time for her, I never ask for money or anything just I ‘unno I guess I feel bad for her, she works two jobs and her husband left her when she found out she was pregnant.
I take them out a lot for supper, not just the kids I take Rebecca out too.
I always tell her children that: “You have been the type of child who charms the lollipops off people”
Then I buy them each one lollipop. Thank god rent is cheap, seriously its 250 a month hell half the time I don’t pay seeing as the owner never comes around to check anything.
Thinking about it maybe I should live with my mother, she lives in New Jersey after her and my father divorced she got together with another guy.
Maybe I have mommy issues.
I never write/email/call hell I never try to contact her. Maybe I should?
No she never even really gave me much attention as a child; then again communication works both ways. I’m not going to waste my goddamn day thinking and arguing to myself if I should call my betraying bitch of a mother.
Plus I’m exhausted, thinking about how I actually help people and give a damn makes me depressed, no one really cares about me so I don’t see why I give a shit about them.
Wow it sounds as if I want to die….Hardly even that I want to live, and for fuck sakes I’m going to.